Rewriting the Script: BDSM Negotiation as a Laboratory for Relational Agency and Explicit Consent

Abstract Book of the 7th International Conference on Gender Studies and Sexuality

Year: 2026

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Rewriting the Script: BDSM Negotiation as a Laboratory for Relational Agency and Explicit Consent

Sophie Doucet, Isabel Côté

ABSTRACT:

While BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism) has historically been pathologized, recent research suggests that practitioners develop superior communication skills necessitated by the complexity of their interactions. This presentation explores how BDSM protocols challenge normative, implicit sexual scripts by establishing a framework of radical relational transparency. Drawing on constructivist grounded theory and semi-structured interviews with 31 Canadian BDSM practitioners, we analyze how BDSM communication mechanisms, such as prior negotiation, safe words, and aftercare, function as tools for preventive relationship maintenance. Findings reveal that the “explicit as norm” culture within BDSM transforms the perception of consent from a passive agreement to an active, continuous contractual process. Participants report a spillover effect, where skills acquired in the high-stakes context of erotic play (e.g., boundary setting, assertiveness) are transferred to professional and familial spheres. By reframing BDSM not as a risk behavior but as a laboratory for relational learning, this study demonstrates how alternative sexualities offer adaptive models for navigating intimacy, conflict, and agency in broader social contexts.

Keywords: Communication; Intimacy; Kink; Sexual Diversity; Stigmatization